So the 15 year olds I made out with at Night Timing on the weekend were stealing stuff again, and this time they brought me some skin care products. THE skin care products. Apparently Dr. Hauschka’s brand of body condiments is the best shit out there. Naturally, I was interested when I saw the price tag. $40 for a 12 ml tube of daily revitalizing eye cream — the prices just go up from there. I was presented with the eye cream, the quince day cream, clarifying toner spray and cleansing milk. I apply the cleansing milk in the shower while I am waiting for my Aveda conditioner to do its thing in my hair. It smells like clay and clay is great for gently cleaning your skin. Then once I’m out of the shower I spray on the toner and massage a small amount of day cream and eye cream onto my face. It’s all basically odorless.

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Does anyone even bathe anymore? Some of us took a much deserved break over the holidays, but now we’ve started to do it again — only because normally expensive body products have been magically made available to us for free (we’ve got a crew of 15-year-olds runnin’ with us lately who are willing to steal anything we want if we buy them beer and pizza, so we’ve been taking advantage of these kids until they have their inevitable run in with the law). Sooo, we got them to go to one of those fancy supermarkets that are plentiful in this city and get us the most expensive shampoo and conditioner in the store. And they came through. It’s made by John Masters Organics and, according to the bottles, this stuff is made using the “most therapeutic organic ingredients on the planet”. It is also Certified QAI/CCOF organic, approved by EcoCert and contains no GMOs, parabens, DEAs, MEAs, TEAs, sodium laurel sulfate, artificial color, artificial fragrance, petro-chemicals and is not tested on animals. It’s made in the US of A and is biodegradable. At $25 per 236 ml / 8 oz bottle it better be good. That’s like two dollars per shower! Holy shit.

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$500 jeans and he’s flossin’ them at Pat’s Pub playing Keno and pull tabs. What the fuck, are Vancouver seniors taking fashion tips from ION or something? Answer: Yes.

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God hasn’t invented arms strong enough to give little miss put-together the great big bear-hug that she deserves. She is singlehandedly bearing the weight of Vancouver’s horrible fashion sense on her perpetually coordinated shoulders.

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Over the weekend, the Province ran a surprisingly interesting series of articles detailing the insanity that is the Granville Mall, and how powerless the police seem to be in combating drunken jock hooligans and their insatiable thirst for violence and urine. It’s rare for us to give the Province any journalistic cred, seeing as it’s a biased tabloid with really easy Sudoku puzzles, but in this one instance they actually covered a pertinent story really well. Except for one glaring omission.

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As usual, the real street hustlers set the trends, and judging by the Phantom here, the street is on that next shit. We’re sure technicolor dream coats and cat costumes will be all over the place next year.

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